Hello I'm Rich Brown and this is my personal website and blog. I'm just your simple, average, down to earth, professional, out gay man and aspiring circuit boy, living in Phoenix, Arizona with a few things to say while trying to find my place among all the scary, conservative, religious nuts in this sick and twisted world.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Toronto Pride Was Amazing!
I've been in recovery mode for the past week since getting back from Toronto. Seriously, the only Justin and I have been doing after work since we got back from Toronto has been catching up on sleep. I'll tell you this first hand that the Canadians party harder then any of the Americans, especially in Toronto.
We arrived on a red-eye flight in Toronto on Friday morning and as we made our way down to College Avenue, where we were all staying with Philip's boyfriend Jamie who is from Toronto, it appeared as if the city was in mid-transformation for what was to be one of the biggest summer celebrations in Canada, Toronto Pride.
I won't elaborate too much on the weekend except for the fact that we party hopped from Friday through Monday with very little sleep in between. I'm not a big fan of most pride celebrations primarily because the festival just isn't my thing anymore, but I have to say Toronto Pride is probably the biggest and best pride celebration that I've ever been too, and the dance parties attached to the weekend were absolutely phenomenal. The decorations, lighting & shows at all the parties were off the hook, and every one was packed wall to wall with hot guys.
Friday was Boot Camp at the Kool Haus with Alyson Calagna & Hector Fonsceca spinning. Saturday afternoon was Aqua which was a T-Dance held at the Sunnyside Pavillion with Stephan Grondin & Mark Falco spinning. Saturday night was the main event titled Babylon Pride at the Sound Academy with Ana Paula & Tony Moran spinning. And the weekend was wrapped up on Sunday night with something called Revival, a once a year gay night at The Guverment with Peter Rauhofer spinning. The music at every party kept us dancing the entire night.
This was our first time in Toronto, and I have to say that Toronto is just an all around a great city with fun bars, good restaurants. There seems to be plenty to do and it's a really easy city to get around. If you've never been to Toronto and you have a chance sometime to make it over for Toronto Pride, I would highly recommend it. It's worth every penny. My hat goes off to the Canadians for throwing one hell of a good weekend. Cheers!
While I was listening to CNN today I heard the term "The Gay Agenda" used three or four times by some conservative, religious fanatic talking about the recent Heinz advertisement that was pulled because it showed a gay family and two men kissing. This person kept talking about how the commercial was trying to advance the "Homosexual Lifestyle" and the "The Gay Agenda."
Well I have just one thing to say about this. Straight people are not allowed to use the term "The Gay Agenda" anymore because it doesn't exist. It's a fictitious term made up by religious zealots to create fear. If there is an official gay agenda, then neither I, nor anyone I know in the gay community has ever been made aware of it. If you do have a copy of "The Gay Agenda" then please forward it to me, because my name must not be on the mailing list.
Seriously though, if there really was a "Gay Agenda" I'm certain it would simply refer to the desire of me, my friends and everyone else in the gay community to be happy, allowed to love the consenting adult we choose regardless of sex, and live a happy & normal life while being able to have equal protections of the law that everyone else is provided. Is that a bad thing?
I'm really getting tired of this argument. It's pointless. People need to get with the times and realize that being gay is not a lifestyle choice, and we're going to be here in your face and on your TVs to stay. Cheers.
Last Friday night, Justin and had the pleasure of spending the evening with our dear friends Mark & Andrea in celebration of Mark's birthday. Unfortunately, we don't see them as often as we used too since their move over a year ago from our neighborhood to one of the historic districts in downtown Phoenix. It's not really that we're so far apart where we can't see each other, it's mainly that over the last year or two our combined lives, travel destinations, interests and social calenders have changed so much that it's just difficult for us to find any free time to get together. That's not a bad thing, it just something that happens as people settle into their lives together. We're all doing exactly what we want, and everyone is healthy and happy, so you really can't ask for more. I know we'd love to see each other more often, but we'll take what we can get.
Mark and Andrea are well aware of our recently renewed desire to move out of the state. It's a desire that years ago we all shared together and discussed quite frequently. Over the past few years Justin and I tried to settle down and allowed ourselves to remain content with staying in Arizona. I won't rehash the reasons why we're now ready for a change, but over the past few months something has turned the switch back on in us, causing us to open the discussion again about relocating. During our evening with Mark & Andrea, it was interesting to talk to them and hear another view on Phoenix, especially from good friends who have a completely different perspective then us.
Since their move to a beautiful home in a cute historic district in downtown Phoenix, Mark & Andrea have gotten to know many of their neighbors, and when I say neighbors, I'm really referring to almost everyone in the bounds of their historic district. They've started to participate in community and neighborhood activities, and they're enjoying everything that downtown Phoenix has to offer. Just from talking to them, I can tell how happy they are, and how much they're enjoying their new home and neighborhood. As they will openly admit, Mark & Andrea's move to this downtown neighborhood changed their impression of Phoenix and curtailed their interest in ever wanting to live anywhere else. They sit on their front patio & wave, talk & even share a glass of wine with their neighbors as they walk by. They have dinner parties, block parties, and attend social functions at various houses across the neighborhood. They walk their dogs through the neighborhood; They know who specifically lives in which house; They know which neighbors are gay, which are married, and which have a strange car in their driveway while their spouse is at work. Mark & Andrea's neighborhood is very open minded, and even though the neighborhood residents probably don't care, each resident knows everything about everyone else in the neighborhood. For Mark & Andrea living in this neighborhood has changed their lives and gives them exactly the small town feel they love while still having the benefits of living in the city.
After talking about our desire to move again, their suggestion for us was to do the same. That is move to downtown phoenix, and try it out first before moving aways. They believe it would not only change our opinion on the city but also our desire to leave. This really doesn't come as a surprise though, as Mark & Andrea have always been a big advocate of us relocating downtown ever since they moved to their neighborhood. Not only for us all to be closer again, but so that we could experience what they've come to love about their neighborhood and living downtown.
Honestly I'm not sold. Don't get me wrong, while I think what Mark & Andrea have is truly wonderful, and is a perfect fit for them, it's a borderline worst nightmare for me. I value my privacy, and I've actually been perfectly happy in not getting to know any of my current neighbors. I want to live somewhere because of the amenity's it has to offer, not because of the social aspects and friendliness of the residents. I've always viewed my neighbors as people I have to tolerate and in turn they have to tolerate me. I don't want to get to know them, I don't want to hang out with them and I certainly don't want them knowing too much about me or my life. (Yes that may sound stupid since I pretty much open myself up on this blog, however I only write what I want you to know ... so keep that in mind.) Justin and I have a several close friends, and many social acquaintances with whom we choose to hang out with, most of which are gay, with only Mark & Andrea and Don & Kris being the exceptions.
Unless I was living in a gayborhood like the Castro in San Francisco, West Hollywood in Los Angeles or Boystown in Chicago, I don't think I could have my neighbors as my friends, mainly because in a city like Phoenix, the majority of them would have completely different interests then Justin and I, and I certainly don't want to feel obligated to hang out with them just because they live across the street. Now obviously if Mark & Andrea were our neighbors that would be different, we have a history and we have fun together, but even many of our common interests have diminished since Justin and I have instead thrown ourselves headfirst into the circuit party scene, while Mark & Andrea have become more community focused.
Mark & Andrea are lucky as they were really able to embrace getting to know and hanging out with their neighbors, mainly because they all share many of the same interests, and I think that's great. I've always enjoyed the times we've gone over to their house, met and had drinks with the neighbors, and while they're all really nice people, I couldn't see that I would have much in common with many of them, other then perhaps a shared interest in alcoholic beverages.
If Mark & Andrea were a gay couple, they would be defined as what we frequently refer to as the "Dinner Party Gays" or the gay couples whose social lives revolve around the community and having small private dinner parties with their close friends and neighbors. Not that there is anything wrong with being a dinner party gay, it just couldn't be any further away from our social interests these days. My first boyfriend and I actually grew apart and broke up because while he wanted to be a dinner party gay, I was more curious and interested in getting out and exploring every aspect of the gay community. As for Justin and I, well we're on the same page here. We barely cook anymore because instead of eating we go to the gym. Justin and I don't typically hang out at straight neighbors houses, we hang out with our friends at predominantly gay bars, trendy dance clubs (which I should note that Phoenix no longer has these days), pool parties and all night after-hour parties. On the weekends we love to go out, get home late, close the blinds and sleep-in until noon. During the week spend our time at work, going to the gym, playing with Berger, and relaxing & watching a bit of TV when time permits. We usually hate people dropping by without warning, and typically our weekends are usually booked with so much out of town travel that we just don't have time or interest for anything else.
So while I know that Mark & Andrea would hate to have us leave the valley, I don't think what makes them happy is going to be the same thing that makes us happy. Our conversation with them that night really gave us a lot to think about, and I think we left their house wondering if we should just try moving downtown first.
Those thoughts carried into some discussions the next day with other friends. It seemed like a good idea to think about, but honestly it all went down the drain when we attempted to go out with friends later that night night. There were 6 of us. We had hung out all day by the pool and then decided to go out. We started with heading downtown first to a mixed club which ended up having a lineup of very sketchy looking people who were getting patted down for weapons as they entered so we declined. We then walked to check out the other bars we used to frequent on that street. Our old dance club was reopened but it was no longer gay, and was now obviously catering to a predominantly different ethnic group. The other two bars on the east side of the first one were now closed and had city notices posted on them regarding being condemned for unsafe building conditions. Great we all thought, downtown is really looking up. We then headed up to former gay bar which no one knew was now mixed and just happened to be 80's night. Again, not exactly our crowd, not to mention that the upstairs of this bar as now closed with another city condemned notice posted on the boarded up door. Lastly we then headed over to one of the more popular phoenix gay bars. It was busy but not packed and people were just standing around watching yet another boring drag show. Not really our type of crowd either. On the way out of the last bar, well before closing time, we all collectively agreed that if your gay, want to dance and not into ghetto bars, hip-hop, country music or drag queens, your pretty screwed in this city.
The bottom line here, I think Mark & Andrea are fortunate to have the interests that make living in Phoenix enjoyable. If your straight or a dinner party gay, then Phoenix is a really great place to be right now, otherwise for the rest of us, Phoenix really is boring. I was really starting to think that Justin and I were the only ones feeling this way but over the past few weeks many of our gay friends have been expressing the same feeling about Arizona and desire to leave the state. I think it's great that people love Phoenix, and enjoy it here, but it's just like the old saying "different strokes for different folks" right? For my gay friends as well as Justin and I, Phoenix just isn't a place which offers very many diverse, gay-friendly, social options which we desire.
No one knows what the future may bring. Perhaps in the next few months things will turn around for the gay community here, or I'll find a different reason to stay. Either way in this economy we're not in a position to sell our house right now, so even if we do move it won't be until next summer at the earliest. Cheers.
I sent Justin a message yesterday saying "So given the choice between San Francisco and New York what would you choose?" He said he that's a hard choice and he would have to think about it, but I know he's leaning towards San Francisco for a number of reasons such as familiarity, friends & family, gay rights & general love of the state of California. I wouldn't be opposed to moving back to San Francisco. My only reservation is that I still think it's too damn chilly there, other then that I love it. We've talked about both in the past, and New York mainly comes up because I think we both love New York and it would be a new experience for us both to move to a new city where we've never lived. For me personally, New York represents somewhere with a nice change of seasons, a warm summer and much closer to my family on the east coast. My reservations about New York would simply be, well it's the east coast, enough said. At this point I imagine anything could happen, we certainly have some discussions ahead of us and nothing has been determined at this point. Jokingly I suggested to Justin that perhaps we pick somewhere in the middle like Kansas City or something, to which he replied "Um ... Hell No." I suppose if we were to end up in the middle somewhere the only real choice would be Chicago, but that's certainly not really in the running at this point.
My List of Top US Cities: San Francisco, New York, Los Angeles, Washington D.C., Philadelphia, Chicago, Boston
My List of Top Non-US Cities (If We Actually Had This Option): London, Paris, Munich, Zurich, Vancouver, Toronto, Sydney, Vienna, Rome
This is going to be interesting, especially since when I had my palm read a few weeks ago the palm reader looked at me and said "You have a watermark on your palm, I see you living near a large body of water" Somehow I do not think she was referring to the Tempe town lake with that statement. Cheers.
Addiction: A recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences to the individual's health, mental state or social life
I was thinking about this last night because I was listening to a debate on CNN regarding smoking and over-eating. Reading the definition of addiction as listed above, does this mean something is only classified as an addition if it has harmful consequences? What if an addiction has positive consequences? Is it even possible for an addiction have positive consequences or do addictions only ever have negative consequences. Just something to think about. Cheers.
Yes we’re back on that subject again. It’s about that time of year and once again Justin and I are starting to feel that we’ve both reached the point where Phoenix has lost its luster. Could it be true, has this shiny gem in the desert started to fade? I know it seems like this question frequently comes to mind for many people here in the valley once the heat rises and it becomes nearly unbearable to step outside an air-conditioned space, but that’s not why I personally bring it up. Unlike most people the weather in Phoenix is not an issue to me. Frankly I think it’s one of the better qualities that the city just happens to have to offer. The problem here for me is not what the city has to offer, but what it does not. I know you’re tired of this discussion, but so am I. Just as it’s the same discussion I’ve written about in the past, it’s the same internal monologue I frequently find myself rambling. The only problem, I’ve been rambling quite a bit louder to myself lately, and I’ve learned that usually means it’s time to actually listen to myself.
I’ve been in an out of Phoenix for the past 14 years and the feeling here is somewhat of a paradox because while over those years it feels like so much has changed, it also feels like nothing has changed. Yes of course there have been changes, new houses, new roads, new businesses, and new people. The infrastructure seems to be always changing, and the once former conservative mood seems like it’s on the way out, but the problem is the general feeling of Phoenix as a ‘real’ metropolitan city has not changed, and frankly I’m not sure if it ever will. Something is missing here, something crucial to take Phoenix to the next level and make people truly believe that Phoenix really isn’t still just an overpopulated small town.
It seems as though whatever ‘thing’ is missing from Phoenix is also the ‘thing’ that we’ve all been waiting for in eager anticipation to change our lives here and either turn Phoenix into the amazing mega-metropolis it has the potential to become, or simply make it more bearable to live in this boring city. You see ever since I first moved to Phoenix there has been this feeling that something big is going to happen here. A feeling that’s always made you believe that this something big was just around the corner. I can’t even begin to say how many times over the years I’ve heard people make statements like “Phoenix is on the cusp” or “Phoenix is so close” or “Once Phoenix has [thing] it will take off ….” For the past 14 years it’s always felt like Phoenix is perhaps only one year away from becoming a real city or at least having the feel of a real city. The problem is that it just never happens. A year comes and goes, and it’s yet something else unanticipated everyone begins looking towards which is supposed to give Phoenix that big city feel. Unfortunately it’s not just one feature that’s going to all of sudden cause a rainbow to be cast over Phoenix, it’s inherently a long string of events that first have to happen before anyone is going to consider this city to be more than a layover stop in the southwest.
I think what makes this even harder to bear is that last summer with the start of the city’s light rail construction, the planned addition of many new high-rise condo’s, and the start of what appeared to be a downtown revitalization, many of us truly felt that the time for Phoenix was here and now. We finally could see the future and the hope that Phoenix was indeed transforming itself into what we’ve always wanted. That may have actually even been true up until the start of this year when the economy took a dive and so did our valley. The greater Phoenix Metropolitan area is now back in the same slump as it’s been in years past with defunct building projects, unfinished construction, and a growing number of home foreclosures as well as businesses, clubs, restaurants and shopping centers who are closing their doors permanently. Just as everyone saw Phoenix starting to rise from the ashes once again, it just as quickly fell back into the dust without any glimmer or promise of more to come in the near future.
Perhaps I’m wrong about Phoenix. Maybe with the opening of the light rail line later this year, the continued construction of the downtown multi-billion dollar Cityscape project, the opening of the downtown Medical school or continuance of the other projects which have not been abruptly discontinued will actually turn Phoenix around over the next few years. I am however not willing to wait that long anymore. I remember Jerry said to me last year something along the lines of “It would be a shame to have waited this long for Phoenix to boom, only to leave right before it actually happened.” Here we are a year later, nothing substantially different, and still nothing in direct sight. Once again I was fooled into the mystical thinking that just by giving Phoenix yet one more year something great was going to happen. I guess in the end I’m the fool to think that in the foreseeable future, Phoenix will ever really becoming something more than the sprawled, congested, giant suburbia that everyone has come to accept.
I hate to be so down on Phoenix because aside from a few redeeming qualities, it will always hold a special place in my heart for so many reasons. However, in the end, fond memories do not give me any solace that Phoenix continues to remain one of the most boring, culturally devoid, unsocial, and unentertaining cities of all the major cities in this country. Cheers.
Phoenix, I’ve been thinking about this for a while so I finally decided to write you this letter. There is a lot of emotion here, and frankly this hasn’t been an easy decision for me. Phoenix, I think it’s time for us to break up and for me move on with my life. I’m sorry, I really tried to make things work with you. I’m sure you’ve probably heard this line before but I mean it when I say it’s not you it’s me. I really thought you would change for me, but that was probably too much for me to expect of you, too much for anyone to expect of you. I knew what I was getting into in the first place, and frankly I’ve changed. I’m not the same man I was back then but you’ve remained the same. You’ve always been there to welcome me home, and show me some great times over the years. I will always love you and you’ll have a special place in my heart but I can no longer deny the truth that I’m not in love with you anymore. I’m sorry; I’m just being honest here. If we were truly meant to be together then I’ll end up back here in the future, but I think I need to be free again to go out and see what else is out there. I know they say the grass is always greener on the other side but the reality is … the grass really is greener elsewhere. I know it’s time for a change. I’ll miss you.
This is a video taken by Mark & Robert from New York at the 2008 One Mighty Weekend Magic Journey's After-Hours parties at Arabian Nights. These parties run starting on Friday night for 3 consecutive nights over the weekend of the party. They start at 2 AM and go until they kick the last person off the floor at 8 AM. I've been there several times as they swept us outside with the trash on the floor. This video gives you a good idea of the energy, music, amazing light setup, & size of the crowd at the event. Cheers!
The rumors are true, Justin and I are back from our trip to Orlando for the 2008 One Mighty Weekend Circuit Party. One Mighty Weekend is one of the largest circuit parties in North America and piggybacks the Gay Days weekend of events at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida. Justin and I went out last Tuesday and spent a total of 7 sunny days in Orlando checking out the parks, hanging out with the boys at the pool, and dancing our asses off at the nightly parties with our friends.
It was once again a whirlwind tour of theme parks and parties that we'll never forget. We got back home on Wednesday afternoon and I think it's going to take us all a little time to recover after this one. This was our 2ND year attending One Mighty Weekend, and as always we had a total blast. I'm already looking forward to going again next year! Cheers!
Today, Justin & I, along with our friends Todd, Cody & Jason attended a small rooftop pool party at at Portland Place in downtown Phoenix where our friend Steve lives. It's a new building with an amazing view of the downtown Phoenix skyline.
I love nothing more then a relaxing day hanging out with friends by the pool, and to make it even more perfect, the sunset's over Phoenix seen from this perspective are absolutely amazing. Cheers!
Our friend Johnathan from Long Beach just sent me this photo of the 3 of us which was taken on the main deck during our Atlantis Cruise from Los Angeles to Mexico last October. I think it's a cute photo, we were all so tan then.
Justin and I are planning on doing the October Atlantis Cruise from Los Angeles to Mexico again this year. The rest of our crew was also supposed to go but in the past few months they've all decided to cancel in lieu of going on either a different trip or the 2009 January Atlantis Cruise from Miami to the Caribbean.
If it wasn't for the fact the fact that Justin has to bid for his vacation nearly a year in advance, we probably would have canceled as well and gone on the July Atlantis Cruise from Barcelona to Rome instead, but Justin simply wasn't able to shift his vacation time to a different week and he has to use it or loose it. Like I said in another post, friends or not, we make our own fun and we're outgoing enough that we always manage to meet new people and make new friends wherever we go, so I'm certain we'll have a good time either way.
Justin & I are also booked on the 2009 January Atlantis Cruise from Miami to the Caribbean as well, but haven't decided for sure yet if we're going to do that one or perhaps switch to one of the Atlantis European cruises later in the summer. I'm thinking a fabulous summer cruise in Europe might be a very nice change. I guess we'll see when the time comes. Cheers!
This past Memorial Day Weekend was the official kick off to summer in Phoenix with Splash Bash. The Clarendon Hotel was overrun by the Phoenix boys for a weekend of poolside fun. It's our own mini-circuit party complete with poolside DJ's and performers.
Justin and I, along with Todd and Cody decided to get a suite at the hotel for the entire weekend and have a bit of an in-town get away. We all arrived on Friday night, grabbed some dinner at C4 and then jumped a cab to Amsterdam for some drinks. With the entire weekend ahead of us we called at an early evening and headed back to the hotel around 1 AM.
Unfortunately Mother Nature wasn't informed about the party, so it was actually a little cool and cloudy for the Saturday pool party, which is very unusual for a May weekend in Phoenix. Just last week it was over 108 degrees, but it seemed as if it wasn't going to get much above 75 degrees this weekend.
Saturday was kicked off with the official Splash Bash Pool Party complete with the Perry Twins as our DJ's for the day. With the exception of Jerry & Anthony, who had other commitments for the day, it seemed as if everyone we knew in Phoenix was present. Because we were staying in the hotel I actually felt like I traveled somewhere and almost forgot I was still in Phoenix. I kept seeing people pour in and would think to myself "oh I know those guys from Phoenix" and then had to remind myself that I was actually still in Phoenix. Tripy.
The pool party was a lot of fun and everyone just hung out, drank, danced, listened to the music and played in the pool. It was a very relaxing afternoon.
Later that evening was the Splash Down party at Area. Jerry and Anthony, as well as our other friends including Jason and his crew, finally got over to the hotel to join the rest of us for the evening. We headed over to Area around 11 PM for a night of dancing. Unfortunately Area was only moderately busy and never really did fill up, so around 2 AM we all packed in and headed over to a private after hours party for the rest of the morning.
Sunday was spent at the hotel laying out by the pool again and then heading up to Mark & Larry's for a pool party for a few hours before returning back to the hotel to wind down and relax and hang out in the hot tub.
I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised at how much fun I had over the weekend. We originally didn't plan on attending, so it was unexpected to have this type of party weekend in Phoenix. I didn't have my camera with me in the evenings, so I only have photos from the hotel parties. I wish I had photos of Jerry, Anthony, Jason & crew because they all were a big part of our fun over the weekend, but I just can't handle carrying my camera to a party because I hate dancing with my pockets full.
Aside from all the fun we had this weekend I took away one other thing. I asked someone who I was talking too at the Splash Down party at Area if he had a good time at the pool party. He looked at me and said "I had a great time, but you know what, I have a great time wherever I go" I thought to myself, that's a great attitude to have and that really sums up the attitude of all my friends. No matter if there are 10 people or 1000 people at the party, we always make our own fun and have a great time in everything we all do together. Life is way too short to not enjoy every minute. Cheers!
